H Hotel’s Royal Suite: a real first world problem.

In DXB, there are hotel suites, then there are hotel suites. One of the obvious perks of working in luxury travel is being able to review such suites, and pretending for 24 hours that my bank account is fatter than sumo wrestler eating a burger while bathing in a tub of lard. While it does mean that family and friends will hurl serious shade my way via social media (I get it, love you too guys), when you’re sipping champagne and sleeping in a room with a nightly rate equal to four to six months’ rent, it kinda makes it worth it.

What could possibly top this? When a colleague is reviewing such a suite and invites you to come along as a ring-in crowd because the space is just too damn big. Awwww yeah.

H Hotel is way up Sheikh Zayed Road just before old Dubai. Its facade and lobby seems a little plain compared to some of its newer and shiner neighbours, but your school’s librarian was right when she kept nagging you to not judge books by their covers. This hotel is home to one of the Biggest. Freakin’. Suites. In. Town.

So, ladies and gentlenerds: the Royal Suite.



The stats: 1,130 square metres, two floors, three en-suite bedrooms, a dining room, library, private cinema and SPA. Price tag? A cool AED 62,000 (USD $16,879) per night. Exce$$ to tha max.

Pro: so many mirrors around, great for not only ensuring you look amazing at all times but also saving selfie time – one shot can give up to four angles, depending on your location in the suite. Productivity, yo.


Con: too many mirrors that often catch you at your most unflattering angles.


Pro: the space. Three couples can easily exist in almost-privacy.

Con: too much space. It’s hard to use Instagram’s Hyperlapse function because it takes so long to walk around the place.


Pro: the outdoor pool blows every other plunge pool out of the water. The adjoining deck is also an awesome place to sit back and watch the sun go down while you contemplate the good lyf.

Con: the pool is so big it kinda forces you to do laps. And exercise is, y’know, illegal on holidays.



There are a few other *niggling* issues, like an overload of cushions on the couch in Lounge Room #1 (of 3). And the welcome fruit basket that was more a giant platter of fruit and trays of cakes and dates that six of us couldn’t finish. But, I mean, whatever.



Props to Simon Harrington and Kimye for the pics.